I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
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