i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
