okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
