Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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