This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
