I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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