i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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