So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
