Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Everything about him screamed your future.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
