I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
