I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
