I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
