I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
