I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
