Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
