Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
