i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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