some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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