I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
