Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
