its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
