careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just had sex on a roof
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
