i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
