I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
