Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize