You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
