Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
sex in a hospital.. check
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
