My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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