I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Randomize
