My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
