My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
