GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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