In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
