Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize