I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
