I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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