I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
