Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Screwed.edu
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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