My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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