I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i now understand why vodka
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
