I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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