New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He did a backflip because drugs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
