yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
