This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
