Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
