I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
