She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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