i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
