It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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