Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
