John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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