I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
