just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
