omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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