no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize