sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
