I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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