My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Two words: blizzard sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
