They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
