she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
