You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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