You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
