so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
