I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
