Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He shit in the fireplace
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
