I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
