the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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