Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
