Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
