We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
