Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
