i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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