All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
