I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I lost the right to judge tonight
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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