haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
